By Mark Donahue
WASHINGTON, DC – At last night’s White House state dinner honoring former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry, Vice President Biden managed to ignite a bit of a firestorm when he addressed the honoree and distinguished guests. After thanking Mayor Barry for his public service and congratulating him on his many accomplishments, the Vice President strayed off-script and embarked on a bewildering oration that left some of the dinner guests uneasy and all of the guests confused. Mr. Biden’s discourse began to meander wildly when his subject matter shifted from Marion Barry to Mrs. Obama’s new haircut.
“I’ve always been a big fan of the Beatles,” Biden said, “so I would be remiss if I didn’t take a moment and compliment the first lady on her lovely new hairstyle. You look beautiful, my dear. That’s a good lookin’ head of hair.”
Mrs. Obama shyly waved as the dinner guests applauded.
“It’s a very hip look,” he continued. “I think in the hood they call that ghetto chic. Am I right?” The Vice President winked at the first lady.
Mrs. Obama forced a smile as a few uncomfortable laughs pierced the silence.
“And Mr. President, I know you’re excited about that new hairdo. It allows you to cheat on your wife without having to worry about being impeached.” Biden looked at Obama and shrugged. “What? Am I wrong?” A handful of dinner guests chuckled warily before he continued. “I remember a special Halloween a couple of years ago when Jill wore a black wig as part of her costume. Well, let me put it this way, not only did I get to cheat on my wife, but the next day she even washed the stains out of the dress.” Mr. Biden winked at Secretary of State Clinton.
“But in all seriousness folks, there’s nothing like a gal who has the wherewithal to keep herself fresh and new for her husband.” The Vice President smiled at a pretty young woman, “Now, I’m not overlooking you single gals. I haven’t forgotten when I was a randy young lad, prowling the alleyways after the bars had closed in search of that special lady. But as the years have passed I’ve come to understand the importance of being faithful to a woman. Basketball great Wilt Chamberlain once said, I’d rather make love to one woman twenty thousand times than bang twenty thousand of ‘em once.” Biden leaned into the microphone and grinned, “Of course, that’s easy to say after you’ve already tapped the twenty thousand.” He winked at Marion Barry, “My brother Marion knows what I’m sayin’.”
As dinner guests fidgeted uneasily in their chairs, Vice President Biden continued.
“But in the end, it’s not about the haircuts, the dirty talk or the stilettos. It’s about who a woman is deep down inside. It’s about her values and her personal hygiene. In the end, it’s about a bond of love that’s so strong it enables a man to persevere through those grueling times of despair when he’s jonesing for some stray.”
At that point President Obama began tapping his wine glass with a spoon and the dinner guests politely applauded. Several minutes later dinner guests say Obama pulled Vice President Biden aside and spoke with him privately for several minutes.