As a young man, I learned that sometimes that hot chick you’re dating is also completely crazy and, as much fun as it is to go out with her, it’s going to end badly. That’s Donald Trump, the super hottie of the “I Hate the GOP Establishment with a Burning Passion That Has Rendered Me Insusceptible to Reason” crew. He’s sexy, he likes to party, and he certainly puts out – in the sense that he fulfills your fantasies about giving it to the RINOs good and hard.
That intensely troubling metaphor aside, the point is still valid. Donald Trump is not a keeper, not the one you want to marry. He’s never going to make you happy. For now, he’s going to say what makes you happy, and for now he’s going to make a lot of the right people go nuts, but if you get hitched he’ll cheat on you with the liberals. At the end of the day, you’ll walk out of the courtroom wearing a barrel while Trump and the pool boy jet off to Tahiti on your dime.
Look, on the Playboy centerfold list of turn-ons of every true conservative, making mainstream media dorks spasm like roaches after a spritz of Raid is right up there with long walks and sincere people. And it’s even better since they have to have to cover him because they need his ratings, and so they must talk about him endlessly even though it makes them want to die. And anybody who makes mainstream media people want to die can’t be all bad.
Pretend I’m your buddy and we’re at a bar and I’m the guy who, among your friends, drew the short straw and has to tell you that your girlfriend is the antichrist. And, Trump people, I am your friend. You, by and large, aren’t traditional conservatives like I am, but you’re hard-working, loyal patriots, veterans and cops, the people who defended this country and who built it regardless of what that fool in the White House says. We agree on much more than we disagree on, and if I was back in a foxhole I’d choose one of you as a battle buddy any day over those simpering GOPe femboys or, heaven forbid, some safe space-dwelling liberal.
But I gotta be straight with you – Trump’s bad news, and everyone else sees it. He’s using you, and he’s going to toss you away when he’s done and never look back. Break it off before it’s too late – this is just a fling, and if it keeps up one day you’re going to find your wallet missing and probably your car too. And you’ll wake up with a political rash.